With A Little Help From My Friends

Ned Flanders: “Hi-Diddly-Ho-Ho-Homer! Was that Lisa practising last night? Golly gee whilikers, it sounded amazing!”

Homer Simpson: “Saxamaphone— saxamaphone— that’s all I hear these days. And now Lisa wants to attend the NASA 2023 Biennial Conference.”

NF: “Well, what’s wrong with that, neighbour? A little fellowship is good for the soul.”

HS: “If that’s how you feel, then you, FLANDERS, can pay the membership fee, the travel expenses and for those baritone sax reeds. Do I look like I’m made of money?”

NF: “No. You look like you’re made of doughnuts.”

HS: “Oh, smart, that’s so smarty-smart-smart of you, Flanders. Smart like those NASA people who don’t even hand out free t-shirts for conference attendees. I mean EVERYONE likes free t-shirts!”

NF: “Au contraire, my dear neighbour. NASA intellectuals just want to listen to pieces featuring extended techniques that feed their artistic, intellectual and spiritual needs. They are not interested in t-shirts.”

HS with a faraway look in his eye: “A doughnut looks like the bell of a saxophone. How about that? A doughnut-bell image, dripping in chocolate, on every t-shirt…”

NF shaking his head: “Well, Homer, I’ll see if there are some extra church funds available to help Lisa attend the conference.”

HS: “Why do that when you could spend the money on doughnuts?”

I ask you: Would an artistically designed t-shirt be such a bad thing? Surely there is a graphic designer out there—a fellow artist—who could be graciously compensated—$$$$—to create an interesting, event-specific and oh-so-tasteful image to unite us all. Which could be emblazoned on t-shirts and distributed for free to all conference participants. Just a thought.

Actually, I’ve had a couple of thoughts since reading President-Elect Andrew J. Allen’s election statement. WOWZERS—my jaw actually dropped! Admitting that the masses (most saxophonists working as professional musicians) have been largely under-served by NASA was a brave and bold statement. Bravo, Andrew.

Having attended my fair share of conferences, I feel confident enough to make my own bold statement: There are too many performances!

Although performance is and always will be at the core of what we do, one’s success in the field gravitates around a plethora of other skills fundamental to the trade. Put simply: You have to be good at many, many things to sustain a career in the arts.

Here is a list of possible sessions I would love to attend:

Help! I’m an Early Bird—Can I Still Be A Performer?

How To Teach Jazz When You’re Not That Into It

…and of course… How To Teach Classical When You’re Not That Into It

Playing in Bars, on Cruises and at Festivals: How To Stay Safe

Strategies for Finding and Retaining Collaborative Pianists

How To Host the Perfect Modern Recital

Best Ways to Connect With Middle and High School Music Teachers

How To Be a Musician Without Your Own Home

How To Be a Musician Without Your Own Car

How To Be a Musician Without Family Support

Balancing Your Own Obsessions and the Needs of Your Students so Everyone is Happy

Producing Your Own Social Media at Low or No Cost

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. How to Get Paid When Everyone Wants You to Work for Free

You get the idea.

For far too long music programs at the university level have essentially ignored the fact that most of us are entrepreneurs, trying to operate within a capitalist society that offers few safeguards and supports. And the programming at NASA conferences reinforces this. We should stop pretending that performance is the only thing that matters. Some of us have really good ideas and have developed smart strategies to stay afloat. These are the types of experts I want to hear from! How about you?